Part 59: Episode XLVII: Here Lies Kir. He Never Scored

We’ve crossed off two side quests. Five more to go. The shaky, alcoholic hand of democracy has dictated the next side quest we tackle is for... Kir. Who managed to beat out Aeterna by a single vote. Absurd.




Music: The Enchanted Sanctuary



Kir’s backstory development hasn’t budged an inch since he left Hiddbury. So naturally, his side quest will return him to his home forest clearing with a collection of tents town.





Before we get things underway speaking with Chief Jak, let’s do a tiny bit of housekeeping from our plunders in the Fridging Caves and slaying the dragon manifestation of Reaper’s angst. Carved off bits of the Dysphormic Monster are quite lucrative, as it turns out. And the incidental materials we found along the way are enough for a couple more additional spritnite. Both for Aeterna. Such as...



A tech that straight up is an ON-Switch for the otherwise utterly unreliable Singularity system. Spiffy. A shame it costs nearly half her total MP. But I reckon that’s why there’s all the nearly busted MP regaining Support Spritnite at this stage in the game. Since Singularities greatly increase the chance of getting a Flux bonus at the end of a battle, this Tech is fairly essential in getting the achievement for gaining 200 Fluxes during the course of the game.

For reference: I currently have 55 Fluxes the entire playthrough with like three hours of gameplay before I’ve wringed out all of the content the game has to offer...



Aeterna can also manipulate time to double the length of status buffs. This can be used in tandem with say Endir’s Battlecry to make most bosses even more of a complete joke, if that’s your sorta thing.



Finally, before we get back on track, let’s grab another scythe for Dingus’ arsenal. This is going to drop us back below the half-million gold mark, Reaper. It better be worth it.



Well... I suppose it’s better than the last couple of offerings. But it’s still not great. It looks less a scythe and more a malcontent wizard’s staff, if you ask me. But whatever... Let’s get a move on.



To begin Kir’s side quest, we need the little squirt in the active party and he needs to be dragged back to Chief Hydor’s tent for a pow-wow.


Music: The Warmth of Life



Heheh! Long time no see... How’ve you been?
Were you not on your way to the Last Lands?
*heavy frowning* Yeah, what about that, Kir...?
Well, yeah... but with everything that’s happened...
Surely you do not mean to say you grew homesick?
No, no! It’s not that... It’s just that we’re going to be facing a pretty tough battle... So right now we’re trying to see if we can find some more powerful spritnite stones... And this is the only place I know, after all!
You’re doing the stones thing again.
It just sounds right now...
*slow disapproving head shake*
*rubs chin* Spritnite stones, you say... I am afraid all the ones found here grant no great powers.
Right... yeah, sure...
You hear that? We should probably move on back to the Last Lands to fi—
However, although I have no spritnite to give you... I may be able to introduce you to some powerful allies.
Allies?
I swear if it is that moron covered in bird poop...
They arrived here not long ago, and have been helping us repel the monsters. Anyway, it shall be far simpler if you meet them for yourselves. They should be by the Spritnite Pillar...





Alright, then. If you say so... Back we go to the Spritnite Boulder Pillar deep in the wood elves rare-bloods forest. Where we find...


Music: Faith



...Surprisingly enough, actual new characters are hanging out here. Judging by the hair colors... I really hope this isn’t a group of magical girls pissed that Kir has been pilfering their enchanted rods all game.



Are you who Hydor was talking about? Our new allies?
*rapidly nods* Allow us to introduce ourselves... I am Syg, the eldest of us three sisters.
I’m Quotra, the second eldest!
......
And this is Tronne, the youngest.
So the youngest sister’s pretty quiet, huh?
Yeah... don’t worry about her. She’s got a fear of strangers.
Y’all have a bad run-in with a cotton candy machine or...?
*puffs up* I never expected our new allies would be three sisters...
Oh, I get it! You must be Kir! It’s an honor to meet you, young hero.
! H-hero? Me?
That right? What kind of... heroic exploits has Kir embarked on...? I heard a rumor he had a chance to be a hero... Something involving a catapult... But he rejected glory.
*sweats* Don’t mind him.
We have heard about you from Hydor... how you saved the village from great danger!
*sweats* Oh, well... but me, a hero...? I mean, I guess I helped out... but I didn’t really do much...
That’s an understatement...
*punches in the arm* _QUIET!
*laughs* Hah... Look at him getting’ all shy!
You just be quiet, old man!
Yeah, gramps. Don’t cockblock the kid just cuz your romance petered out decades ago.
...Huh?
N-Nothin’!



Everyone, look out! Monsters!
No... I think it’s just bad dye jobs...
......
No. Behind us!


Music: No Turning Back



Hey, you all almost look half-way cool in this team pose. So what monstrosity is challenging the gang this go around...?



...Oh. It’s just a walrus. I don’t think these things have been able to inflict damage for a good ten hours. Much less stand up to more than a single attack. Not much of a threat...



Oh. I guess Julienne agrees as she just wordlessly stabs the Waloompa directly in the face, killing it instantly. Julienne deserves to be in a better game. I bet she’d get along with Caim...

The party rolls out off-screen to fight other monsters. Kir lingers behind as a rogue bird attacks the anime girls...



Augh! More of them!?
Don’t worry, leave them to us!




Music: Faith



Wowie! I couldn’t see what you did... But I’m still IMPRESSED!
*trudging back in* I can’t believe we wasted our time on that for 5 EXP and a fossilized pinecone...

The rest of the party wanders back...



A perfectly synchronized attack. Just as one would expect from three sisters, I suppose...
Ehh... it’s alright. Aeterna, Setsuna and I can bust out a way better triple-tech and we’re not related...
......
...Right? It’s been a weird trip.
I assure you I’m not related to any of you...
! Y-you three... Are you... rare-bloods...?
You could tell, huh? You sure are sharp!
We are indeed what the humans call “rare-bloods,” like the people of your village. However, we are not exactly the same. A “subtype,” if you will...
A subtype...?
Rarer-Blood...
Our magic power’s really strong, and it seems we live longer than you, too.
That was amazing, though... When Hydor said you were powerful allies, he wasn’t joking!
Yeah, well... monsters like that are no sweat for us once we get serious...
We’re level... 32.
Woooooooah!
Kir, you’re Level 41 and you haven’t fought a battle in weeks...
*glares*
*nods* Thanks. I’m sure everyone in the village really appreciates your help!
*shakes head* We are guests in your village. This is the least we can do to repay you.
Anyway, Hydor asked us to patrol around here... We better have another look around and make sure no more monsters have snuck in.
Please excuse us...
......

The girls depart.



No thanks.
What!? Don’t be so cold, Endir! You can at least hear me out, can’t you?
Let’s hear what he has to say, Endir.
Setsuna, he’s just gonna ask if those weirdo girls can join the party.
Hey! They’re not weirdoes! You’re the weirdo! You and that mask! And... n-no...! I mean... maybe but... okay. Hear me out...
Those three sisters... how about we get them to join the sacrifice’s guard?
Called it...
Join the sacrifice’s guard...?
Well, I guess it ain’t a bad idea... They did seem pretty damn strong... They’d probably be a lot more help than any spritnite’s ever gonna be!
*shakes head* I’m against it.
Huh? Why?
Time has been wound back all these times, and those girls were never part of the guard... not once. That’s my reason.
Also they’re creepy... Like what’s up with the one that doesn’t talk?
Agreed.
Why does that matter!? Endir’s the same, isn’t he? This is the first time coming on the journey, right?
Well, yes...
Those girls are probably special, like Endir! They’re like our ultimate allies, sent here to help us accomplish our mission!
Kir, I know you’re thirsty. But if you compare me to your waifu harem like that again, I’m gonna slap you upside the face so hard you’ll grow a second tail.
*frown* OK... But... But what if they all added up to like one more Endir? Think how much of a help that’d be!
*crosses arms* When you put it like that, it does kinda sound like a good idea...
Exactly, old man! I know they’ll help our journey succeed!
Well, I’m still against it. Definitely. What about you, Endir?
I’m against it.
What!? Aww... I thought it was a great idea...
Like I said, they’re creepy. And look, I’ve done this kinda thing a lot more than you. You NEVER get three interchangeable looking siblings to join a quest. There’s only two ways it’ll pan out: two of them will die tragically or all three of them are evil.
That’s ridiculous, Endir! They just helped us against those monsters!
Those were like Level 5 creatures. A brief downpour of snow could have killed them...
Well, why don’t we ask them what they think?
Yeah, right... Even if we do ask them to join us, we don’t know whether they’ll agree or not.
Really? Let’s at least try asking them, then!
*jumps* All right! Let’s go ask them now! Come on! No time to waste!
*rubs eyes* This is how we’re all going to die... Wasting time getting Kir a girlfriend as Dark Samsara awakens...



Alright. Back to town we go... You voted for Kir and this is what you get...


Music: The Enchanted Sanctuary





Aha! Here they are! Hydor’s here too... Perfect! Huh? But where’s the youngest sister?
I believe she returned to the Spritnite Pillar after we finished patrolling. She seems to have taken quite a liking to it...
*whispers to Nidr* _{She’s gonna end up dead. If she’s not dead, then they’re evil. I’ll bet you 5000 G she’s dead.
*strokes beard* Yeah, alright... I’m in. 5000 G she’s fine and you’re paranoid.}
Oh, right. Oh well... Say, we’ve got something we want to talk to you about...
_{I cannot believe you hooligans would wager on the fate of potential allies.
*rolls eyes*
...5000G on evil.
*smirks* I knew I liked you.}
We too have something to talk to you about... From what I hear, it seems these girls know Tor.
Tor!? My brother Tor!?
...Kir had a brother?
Yes. Remember, he was that ghost?
Oh... Vaguely. RIP.
...A ghost?!
Long story. Don’t worry about him. He was is no longer in this world.
He saved us when we were captured by a group of cruel humans.
He was a great guy... It was Tor who told us about this village, too.
When we learned of his death, we were all overcome with grief.
I see...
So what was it you wanted to say?
Oh, right... Well, we were wondering if you three would join the sacrifice’s guard...
Us? Join the sacrifice’s guard?
Really? You want us coming along?
Ehh...
If you don’t want to, that’s fine.



*shakes head* Endir is merely questioning their resolve. If they were to accompany us half-heartedly, it could have grave repercussions for us all later on.
Athenian Waters are expensive and I’m the only one with a Life spell. You’ve gotta earn that business...
Still, there’s no need to say it like that...
Forget it, kid. That’s just the kinda guy Endir is.
If they can’t handle him being mildly dismissive and rude, they’re better off not joining.
See? This guy gets me.
If you would be willing to have us join your guard, then we shall do so happily.
*surprised* Really? So you’ll come with us, then?
You got it... Master Kir!
*puffs up* Heheh... Master Kir... No, no...
I already hate all of this.
I cannot believe we are squandering Eutess’ gift with... this...
Sorry, but can I talk to you alone for a minute?
? Oh, sure... What did you wanna talk about?
Like... over here, alone. Away from your traveling humans.
Oh... right. Hehehe.



We’re happy to be of help... but I’m worried, too...
Oh, you don’t need to worry... my companions are all great people!
But they’re humans, right? We’ve had nothing but bad experiences with humans... So up until now, we’ve never trusted anyone except each other.
*shakes head* Well, sure. There are lots of bad humans, that’s certainly true...
I got kidnapped by one as soon as I joined these guys...
But my companions aren’t like that at all. They’re different.
...I see. you really seem to trust them.
*nods* I wouldn’t be traveling with them if I didn’t! I trust them completely, and you can trust them, too. Don’t worry. I mean, sure, Endir wears that spooky mask, and he’s a mercenary... He’s pretty unfriendly, and you might find him cold...
And he has a snarky rude sense of humor... And he once wanted to launch me across a chasm in a catapult. And he thought I was a gremlin for the first couple weeks I traveled with him...
But deep down, he’s a good person, I know he is. And Setsuna, the sacrifice, is a really good person, too.
Honestly, she’s kind of too nice to a fault. And she’s made some pretty bad decisions when trusting people. And those hair ornaments are just the worst... But she’s really great other than that.
Uh-huh...
And Nidr is... old. But not the racist kind of old! Just the crotchety out of touch kind. And heck, the rest of them aren’t even human!
*glances at party* Huh...?
Aeterna is a magic clone and Dingus is the reformed agent of this dark entity we’re going to go fight in the Last Lands. Julienne is a princess who drank monster blood and was infected by its power. Don’t worry though, she’s better now!
...Is that right?
I see... Thank you. I feel much better now. All right... I guess my mind’s made up, then.
*nods* Great!
*turn and nod to one another*
Well, hello there... Finished your private chat? I never had you down as such a ladies’ man, Kir...



So old and bitter that you feel the need to tease an innocent, honest young man like me... Wait... you’re not JEALOUS, are you?
*sweats* Wh-what? Of course I ain’t!
Super not into where any of this talk is going.
S-Same...?
Anyway, it seems it is settled. It pains me to see the village lose such powerful new allies... But it is for the sake of the pilgrimage... it cannot be helped.
Technically, the pilgrimage has ended and this will just be fodder to throw to the final battle. Which we should be getting back to immediately...
Please make sure that no harm comes to them.
You don’t need to worry about that! It’ll be fine! Your little sister is at the Spritnite Pillar, right? Come on, let’s go get her!



Yep! There’s nothing to worry about while Kir is on the case! Just one more trip back to the Spritnite Stone to wrap up this case and possibly gain some new allies! Even though we’re in post-game optional side quest territory and only characters with illustrated portraits ever joined the party. But...


Music: Faith



If anything happens, make sure to protect Setsuna!
*nods* Understood. The sacrifice’s life should be our utmost priority.
Got it! Leave the rear guard to us!
*fist pumps* All right, let’s go! If there’s anything you don’t understand, just feel free to ask!
Good grief... When did Kir get so enthusiastic?
Oh, leave him be... He’s just trying to make a good impression.
And if his enthusiasm gets us back on track with our mission quickly, more power to him...






Music: Deadly Gamble



Leaving us behind you wasn’t a good idea... You’re wide open!



We were after the sacrifice all along!
*nods enthusiastically* We have cast no magic on you only out of respect to Tor.
DAMMIT!
I-I’ll get you out of there. Don’t worry!
No... I mean I’m out 5000 G...
W-What?!
Crud. Same.
I’ll take my collection once we are out of this predicament.
So that’s how the princess’ new regime is gonna be, huh? Typical...
I don’t care what your reason is! Hurry up and let them go! They’re my companions! My friends!
*shakes head* No. You are being deceived. Humans will never accept us rare-bloods...
Doubly true of us, the rarer-bloods!
That’s not true! Setstuna... and Endir... They all accept me!
Kir, tell your anime puffball girlfriend I’m gonna stuff and mount her gremlin head to a wall when I get out of this!
Dear me, the humans have got you right where they want you, haven’t they... The only reason they keep you around is because they can use you. If you were just a regular little boy, they’d get rid of you without thinking twice about it!
Man they've got this wrong...
*shakes head* N-no! That’s not true!
You don’t know what humans are really like. They’re not like us. They don’t accept people who are different... Never. No matter what.
We shall take the sacrifice with us.



Welp. Kir’s lust to get his dick wet in young anime crazy done got the pilgrimage pals in a right fix. Tune in next time when Kir attempts to diffuse the situation. But at what cost? And how many dead anime girls?



Part 4 - Chapter 2-2 (Village Third Visit to Cabin Defense w/Luis)
Part 5 - Chapter 2-3 (Bella Sisters Rumble to Entering the Castle)